Introduction

Why you’re reading this introduction, I have no idea. Like I said, I’m not a mind reader, but that does remind me of a Sufi story. The Mulla was waiting at the boarder with his mule. It was hot and a long wait because the inspector was a very thorough man and he had to check everybody. When the Mulla reached the hut and the gate, the inspector took one look at Mulla’s clothes and his mule and thought to himself, “He’s smuggling something. I will search everything.” Well, this went on and on. Year after year the Mulla crossed the boarder with his mules, but the inspector never found anything illegal.
Finally, after the inspector retired, he was in a coffee shop and saw the Mulla. “Okay, I’m retired,” he said, “Now, tell me what you were smuggling?” Mulla looked at him. “Why mules, of course.”
Why this introduction? ‘Cause I’m sneaking ideas by you without you knowing it.
Wild. Crazy. Stupid. Idiotic! Maybe I am. I don’t know. Mom always used to call us that. Until I was eight, I didn’t know my brothers’ real names. Turned out Mom had three kids and none of them were idiots. Wild is a professional speculator. Stupid’s worth ten million bucks and sits on his ass all day. I’m not crazy and I’m not an idiot, and I don’t have to write books like this for a living. I like to write books.
Well, maybe I am crazy . . . Which reminds me of another story. A young man was looking for the meaning of life. He heard about a guru on top of Pyramid Peak about twelve thousand feet up. Well, it was a long hike, sometimes without a trail and metaphorically speaking, more like a grind. At last, he came to the old one’s hut and got on his knees and begged for the answer. The old man said. “Do you know how a dog poops?” The young man looked quizzical. “Not really.”
“Do you know how a cow poops?” Was this a trick question? “Not sure,” replied the young man.
“Do you know how a horse poops?”
“No,” replied the young man.
There was a long pause. The guru jumped up. “You come here and take my time. And. you . . .”
“What?” asked the young man.
“You don’t know shit!”
Well, dear reader, you’re not the seeker and I’m not the guru. In fact, the opposite is true. You’re the guru. I’m nothing and you know everything. I don’t know anything and you’re the guru because you know a considerable amount about me already. You know I don’t read introductions, I don’t believe in barriers, and I learned everything I know in the restroom of my forth grade grammar school. That last part’s not really true, but I do know a lot of dirty jokes which is somewhat paradoxical, because jokes depend on timing and in this book I absolutely prove, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that time does not exist.
“Beyond a shadow of a doubt.” That’s a funny statement, if I ever heard one. Think about it. When you cast a shadow, the light of day is beyond it. But what kind of shadow can doubt cast? Doubt’s empty. It’s a state of mind of not believing, which is one hundred percent sure of not being sure. Maybe when you doubt, you’re full of yourself. In that case you’d cast a big shadow on everything. Thinking about it kind of twists your mind up and wraps it around itself.